Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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