i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
