turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
