the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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