Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
