I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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