i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
