In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
