Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
