Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You may now shotgun with the bride
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
