You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
