Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
