THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
