who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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