I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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