I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
