No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
