My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
