I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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