So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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