my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
