how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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