Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
