I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I love black thongs
my phone needs a breathalizer
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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