I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
