I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
