You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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