"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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