So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
