Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
