I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
