I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
