Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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