capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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