Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize