Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
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