apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
