Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
