It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
