my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
