my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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