she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
