i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
