Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
