I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
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Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
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Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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