come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
