Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I feel great
I just peed on a car
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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