So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
