my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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