Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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