I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
