Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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