I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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