i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
