I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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