i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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