It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
