you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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