Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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