Soap is not a condiment
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
