Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
there is glitter all over my balls
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
