When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
