I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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