i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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