Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
