Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
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