yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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