Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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