A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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