After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
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TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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