if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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