I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
