508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
