I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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