I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
