His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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