Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
